34 years and counting.

Life, love, marriage, and kids – a reflection of it all.

Life seems to pass by so quickly. 34 years seems so small yet I can say that I can look back on each year and see all the wonderful things that have happened. This year was something that I can't explain fully other than by saying that I've never been so full of happiness and commitment to make our family full of love.


December of this past year marked 16 years since the day I met Jeff. You read in books about these stupid notions of love at such a young age, but I can say with all honesty that I knew from the time I was 17, he was the person I wanted to spend my life with. Taking the role of wife 7 1/2 years ago was this unbelievable experience. Being a part of a team to take on the world and build a life together is amazing.

I knew things would change and I can't say how overpowering that change was when I became a mother. Wonderful things come with the name mom. You spend 10 months preparing for this new role. Your body changes and these crazy hormones take over. With each pregnancy, I grew more and more in love with having this tiny being growing inside my belly. The miracle of life is something so amazing. The feeling of tiny hands and feet moving around and their little body doing flips in your belly is something you can't imagine unless you've had the chance to do it. I feel like I took for granted the awesomeness of it the first time around and cherished every moment the second and third time.

Then when you feel like you can't wait any longer, the time comes to meet this wonderful life that was created. As moving as it was to hold each of our children in my arms, I was the most emotional seeing my husband hold each of our children with tears in his eyes. Those precious moments are seared into my memory. Being able to give someone the gift of being a father was just as special to me as becoming a mother.

You hear often that being a mom to a newborn is the hardest job you'll ever do. It isn't. It is the most rewarding. I enjoyed every midnight feeding, every opportunity to snuggle with this amazing baby who knows you are there to love and care for them.

All of our children are spaced 3 years apart which has made this year even more fun. We have this baby who reminds us how fast life moves, a 3 year old who shows this tenacity to learn through her preschool years, and a 6 year old who is embarking on her journey to discovering who she is and wants to be.  We are living three huge life stages at once and each one of them remind us to cherish all the little moments. Each year we learn how to be a better parent by understanding an accepting our faults and rejoicing in our wins.

Being home on maternity leave this year helped me to be able to take a step back and realize how wonderful life is and can be when you sit back and take it all in. As much as I want to slow down these years so we can remember and enjoy every moment, I am excited to see what comes as we grow older. We get to see our children form into people and personalities. There will be family memories, athletic events, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, dances, driving, college, weddings and eventually I'll get to see them each become parents and feel these great emotions I am relishing more and more.

As you can see, life is never still with these three, but it is worth every minute.

Giving this Christmas

Our girls are the perfect age for Christmas. They get so excited to see our elf moving around the house each morning. The Christmas morning surprise to see that Santa ate cookies and brought gifts literally had Carmen singing and jumping around the room. 

The past few years we've had a problem with buying too many things for the kids. We want to be able to give them everything they want but realized that we really shouldn't. Teaching disappointment is a valuable lesson. Don't get me wrong, they still have an amazing Christmas, but we really try to keep the gifts from us to a minimum now. Here is how we approached the holidays this year.

1. We changed our approach to giving gifts to the kids

2. We wanted to teach that giving is just as fun as receiving

3. Enjoy giving to others

4. You have to earn the extra stuff

Our new approach to presents

This year we adopted the something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read concept but we also added in a craft. What I found so valuable this year when buying gifts was buying them in categories. This way I didn't buy the girls so many toys. They really only received one toy from Jeff and I. 

Giving is as much fun as receiving

Now that the girls are old enough, I had them give gifts to each other. I went shopping with each of them individually and we spoke about what the other would most enjoy to open on Christmas morning. They both put a lot of time into their choices and it was fun seeing them give each other their presents. In fact I think they like those presents the most.

Giving to others

Fleetridge does something special for the holidays. They ask if families can help giving to those students at school whose parents can't afford presents at Christmas. What I enjoyed about helping with this, is that Carmen realized that there are kids just like her who need extra compassion. Instead of adopting a family where we didn't know anything about them, we knew that these kids went to school with her. She and I took a shopping date to Target to hopefully brighten some holiday mornings. She loved it and started to understand that she is lucky to have the family she does. 

Earning the extra stuff

Since we didn't buy the kids everything they want, I remind them that they can earn money to purchase those things themselves.  Believe me when I say it is an internal struggle to not go purchase the extras but I believe that you can work for what you want even at a young age. In fact today Carmen was playing with a new toy called Beados. She already used all the beads in one day and needs more. As easy as it is to go spend $10 on more beads, I want her to learn that even though she wants more right now she won't  get them. I told her she needs to save her chore money to get them herself. Yes, I know  it is a small example but it hopefully small lessons will help out in life.

Here are some pictures from the holiday.

Presents Christmas morning. 

Ever After High Dolls from Lilah and Santa.

Carmen holding her Beados in front of the desk my dad got her.

Grammy and James.

Lilah was excited about everything.

This video is long but it involves singing. 

A day with the horses at the KCPD Mounted Patrol.

Loving the little things in life.

My girls love horses.  They both think they are wonderful animals. I have never been a huge fan, but watching them spend time riding is amazing.

This weekend our friend Vanessa invited us to meet her, Doug, and her daughters (also the kids babysitters) at the KCPD Mounted Patrol. Doug works there and helped the girls ride one of the horses. It was an awesome day. He was wonderful with the girls and it was definitely the highlight of the fall for them and me.

This kid was a rock star. 

In her cowgirl boots and huge smile.

I loved the rooster. 

Building traditions with pumpkins.

Family traditions mean so much.

Every fall, I get so excited to take the kids to the pumpkin patch. When Carmen was one, we started taking her to the Westin Red Barn Farm. Since then we've made a bid deal out of going there each year. Side note: thank you Carrie for the recommendation!

It is such an awesome thing to know we are building traditions for our children that they can look forward to us doing as a family each year. My hope for us as a family is to continue to build these traditions so that some day our trip to the pumpkin patch includes my kids and grand kids.

I love this picture so much. 

Lilah running around like the wild spirit she is.

Seriously... this kid is adorable!

Raytown. My love, sadness, and hope.

I am hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel.

Jeff and I bought our first house in Raytown 8 years ago. We both grew up here and have friends we have known nearly our whole lives here.

Growing up there was an influx of people moving to Raytown for its proximity to downtown and the great schools.

Over the past few years most of the people who lived in Raytown have started moving to other parts of the city,  the scores for the schools have gone down, businesses have closed, crime has gone up, and the home prices have fallen. It is so sad to me. I remember when the Raytown Police had nothing better to do than break up our parties at Wildwood Lake.

Instead of leaving, Jeff and I have stayed. He works for the school and feels compelled to make an impact teaching in the district. We spend our money with local businesses and invest in our neighborhood. 

It has been harder and harder to keep a positive outlook on my favorite place. The YMCA closed so we can't take our kids to swim lessons any longer, there are vacant buildings throughout the city and I keep hearing horrible news about crime close to home. I feel like we have come to a point where Jeff and I need to decide if we are going to leave or keep investing in this town and believe it can change.

I very much love this town.  I love the history and the history I have here. My favorite part of living here is the small town feel with no streets over a few lanes wide and the undeveloped parts with farmland and animals. I love the teachers we have at our local preschool and the teachers at Carmen's elementary school.  I enjoy the diversity of the city and that my kids will learn to appreciate everyone no matter their race or economic status. I have another reason for hope. We have a mayor who is trying to revitalize the city and a school district superintendent trying to turn around the schools.

Why am I writing this long story?  I guess I am trying to remind myself why I enjoy this place and I hope any of my friends who are still here will think hard before abandoning the place where we all grew roots. We can only make this town stronger by sticking around and investing here.

Will we eventually move? I am not sure. We have a dream to have acreage and a place a little more secluded. Can we do that here? I am not sure. But I am sure that while we are here, we are going to try and make as much of an impact as possible to see this place rebound and have a great reputation again.

Choosing happiness.

Choosing your attitude. I'm trying to teach Carmen and Lilah that their attitude is their decision. 

A few nights ago, I was trying to get Carmen to read a picture book for class. I asked her to turn the tv off and WWIII started in my house. A huge open mouthed cry.  I've been trying to figure out how to teach her that we don't have to have a huge reaction to tiny things. If she always cries like she is going to die, I'll never know if something is really wrong. It's all about choosing your own reaction.

Along the same lines, I am trying to teach her that she needs to empathize with others and understand social cues. Maybe I am pushing too hard but I want her to understand that everyone has feelings, even the person who takes her order when we are out. Taking a little extra time to say please and thank you when ordering are small things that can make a huge difference in the way someone perceives you. I always make it a point to say "have a great day" to the barista or ask the person fixing my phone how their day is.

As parents we put a lot of pressure on our selves to raise perfect children. I know I am not perfect and my children won't be, but I'd love to give her the backing to be as perfect as she wants to be.

James is getting so big!

Matching outfits from grammy.

This girl makes me laugh ... often!

Coming clean to our pediatrician. Co-sleeping and why I do it.

Finally with the third kid, I came clean to our pediatrician. I co-sleep with my baby.

First let me say, I love our pediatrician. She is amazing and supportive. 

I had taken James to the doctor because at night I could hear that he was having acid re-flux problems. When I was describing when and how it sounded, I fessed up to the naughty co-sleeping. If you have a baby or have had a baby, you know your doctor asks about sleeping arrangements. I've always lied and said our baby sleeps in their own bed. I just didn't find it relevant enough to have a conversation with my doctor around my choice as a mom. 

I completely believe in sharing a bed with my babies. I've read a lot of articles around the pros and cons of it and I believe that you are more in tune with your baby, their breathing, sleeping and heart rate when you co-sleep. To each their own on this subject though. Parenting is full of choices and everyone makes their own decisions on what is best for them.

Why am I writing about this? Last night I tried to have James sleep in his crib and it broke my heart. He woke up every few hours and neither of us were happy about it. So tonight as I write this he is back in my bed getting some love and snuggles from me. 

There is no better feeling than snuggling with your kids no matter the age. Carmen and Lilah both love to snuggle and I hope they never get too old for it. 

All of us snuggled in bed watching a movie.